im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
COCAINE IS GR8
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