My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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