But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
