you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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