i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
