Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
