Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize