I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
