If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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