I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
