Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
