if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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