My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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