Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
