i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
