My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
