I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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