Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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