Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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