Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
