he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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