great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
