i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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