Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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