he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize