Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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