Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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