I'm going to jail i love you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
