I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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