you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
