I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
