I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize