Are we in a gay sports bar?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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