she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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