We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
