and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
