I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize