Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
