I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
