Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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