That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
