her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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