It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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