I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
