I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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