I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
