I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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