my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
