I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
