Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
