the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
