wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
