Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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