Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
