he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
