Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
