I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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