Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
