I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize