Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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