Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
