I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Less talking, more tequila
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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