This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I pour the whiskey from now on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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