Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
