i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
