An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
