Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
