If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
