My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize