she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize