I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
