I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my shit smells like andre
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
