is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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