Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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