so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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