FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize