I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You don't make any sense
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