My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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