got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
