Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
