Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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