nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
