I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you made out with another girl for some wings
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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