i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
