I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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