after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize