so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
