I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i've created a new STD.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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