if you like me you must not know who I am
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
