I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
