I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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