If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize