A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
