went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize