i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
