i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
