Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
