I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
