I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
