At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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